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There are blurry lines between personality types, disposition, moods, “that’s my nature”…so that it becomes real difficult to find why relational conflict happens.
Some say conflict is because of “that’s my personality type”, “I cant help myself, its just the way I am”, or…. “we’re just different.”
At this site, we will use the premise that there are basically 3 types of people… “normal”, Empath, and the psychopath.
The Empath is very “tuned in” to their surroundings…sight, smell, touch, sounds, facial expression, tone, body posture, the meaning of words, one’s intent, feeling the energy of others [positive and or negative], and “vibes”.
If these are considered “personality traits”…then they certainly don’t fit in the model of Myers Briggs or DISC.
Articles
-Are you an Empath? Empaths Empowered [Diane Kathrine]
-Are you an Empath? Wake Up World [Trinity Bourne]
coming soon...
Articles
-Are you a highly sensitive person? [Amy Scholten]
-Making Sense of High Sensitivity [Amy Scholten]
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What are narcissist traits?
-No conscious
-No remorse
-Charasmatic
-Popular
-Charming
-Envy, jealousy
How do you know “which type” of "narc"?
-That is the art. A person may be mostly one category, or a blend of many categories.
What you need to know is: How to recognize the narc….then RUN.
-Liar
-Manipulate
-Gaslight
-Hoovering
-Smear campaign
See Dana’s “Red Flags of Codependency” series for more …
Articles
-20 Diversion Tactics Highly Manipulative Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths Use To Silence You
-Gaslighting: Know It and Identify It to Protect Yourself [Stephanie Sarkis, Ph.D.]
Articles
Is it ME, or is it them? Who is the problem?
I feel like the victim…and if I make it about me…then am I the Narc?
But if I fight the issue, then I become the villain…
-Breaking out of the Drama Triangle [Sharie Stines, Psy.D]
Articles
The Narc was “mean”. Now they are “nice”, and appear happy, well adjusted, social, they fit in, and they laugh…and YOU look like the crazy one…
-Nice But Not Good: The Art of Spotting Narcissists [Judith Acosta, LISW, CCH]
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This is part of the illusion…was that the problem all along, that I was not assertive?
Oh, the Narc cares how I feel….NO, they don’t…and they don’t mind at all, that you throw yourself further into the drama...
If you tell a Narc how you feel, then that’s about the worst thing you can do…because now…they know for sure...that they “got you”.
Articles
At this point, the Narc denies everything...and they “double down” with all this: Avoiding, deflecting, projecting, diverting, denial, marginalizing, minimizing ….like… “Huh? What? I didn’t do anything. Good grief. Get over it.”
-Does The Narcissist Know What He or She is Doing? [Melanie radio show]
Articles
This is the dance [It’s the “offenses loop”, over and over]
-The Empath is nice, kind, giving, listening, attentive to the Narc…and the Narc eats it up.
-The Narc gives the insult, the dig, the socially acceptable put down, they are “mean” to the Empath.
-The Empath doesn’t know what they did to deserve being treated that way.
-The Empath bravely takes a stand to be assertive, and ask “why” the Narc did/said what they did.
-The Narc denies everything.
-The Empath tries to win the Narc back, to keep connection, relationship, and peace.
-The Narc acts “nice”, but “all the while”…knowing they “got under your skin”.
-At this point, the Empath begins to feel numb, doubting self, doubting any way of defense…
while still remaining nice/kind…and not being mean.
-The Empath is left wondering if he IS too sensitive, expecting too much, unreasonable, or combative…?????????
-This leads to the Empath’s excessive pondering, pensive, ruminating, thinking, confusion, and preoccupation, replaying the day to try to figure it all out.…in the mire of the hippocampus peptide stew.
*How could such a person [the Narc] exist?
*Did the narc really do something bad/insulting to me, or is it just I REALLY am too sensitive, it’s my imagination, just my perception?
*That is the magic…and exactly what the Narc wants you to think/feel.
They have you under their paralyzing spell….
*Yes, this begins to change your psyche, your DNA, your “person”…
to become robot.
-Repeat the cycle next time…
And later...
-You don’t do the things you once enjoyed, you lose faith in the human race, and you don’t feel like doing anything…
Articles
Your emotions feel drained…your brain has a lack of Serotonin.
coming soon...
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You experience more than just stress and depression…it’s C-PTSD…
coming soon...
Articles
Say you have to stay at your job, or have to stay in the family.
Can you win the battle/fight with the narc?
I don’t think so…though still...it's not a good idea to confront the Narc.
Articles
Yes, you have done your DUE DILIGENCE.
You cared, you read books, you got counsel, you were assertive, the narc denied everything, they kept doing their magic tricks on you.
Yes, detaching from the Narc means “no contact”.
Articles
No contact means NO CONTACT.
-The Incredibly Seductive Pull of a Very Skilled Narcissist [Samuel López De Victoria, Ph.D.]
Articles
At first, you tried to talk to family, but, its likely you have a Narc family, and that’s where you learned how to do the dance.
You may need to get away from that family, so you can heal.
You try to talk to friends
-If your friend happens to also be from a Narc family, then they can empathize, listen, and understand…but, there are no answers.
-And you don’t need the trite/glib answers….that you should …
*“Love” more.
*“Forgive”.
*”Be nice”.
*Give the benefit of the doubt.
*Examine your self.
*When you point a finger, there are 3 fingers pointing back at you.
*Don’t judge.
*Someone just had a bad day.
*You need to care more, have more empathy.
-Eh, maybe your friends came from “good” families; they have good boundaries, and never had to deal with the control of the Narc.
-But, they don’t understand, they don’t want to hear it, and don’t want to be near you….
And with the option of counseling, you could possibly spend years in traditional counseling…maybe the rest of your life.
-You would need to find a therapist who is trained in Narcissistic abuse, and many counselors are not…
-In too many cases with counselors, they say:
*Yah, um hum, tell me more….
*And what did you do, what did he say, and how did you feel?
*Okay, our hour is up, that will be $90, when would you like to schedule again?
How do you find a good counselor, who knows personality disorders?
-You might keep saying “If only they would stop the abuse, if only they would change, if only they would…”
-Let’s settle it. No, the Narc doesn’t want to change, and cant change.
-But, you can work on you, your energy, and become your best version.
Articles
You want “closure”.
-The narc wont allow that…they thrive on drama.
-Yes, before you leave….you could try to explain what you think, your angle, how you feel….but…haven’t you ALREADY tried all that?
-No, you SHOULD NOT have to explain yourself, over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over.
-Exit the relationship, as soon as possible, with the least drama.
To continue, go to Menu, Awakening.
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